Untested

The last panning shot of “Raiders of the Last Ark” shows the wooden box containing the lost ark of the covenant slowly making its way across seemingly endless rows and shelves of identical boxes. With the voiceover assuring us that the ark is very safe, the implication is that this divine source of power was secure from anybody finding it amongst the enormity of the warehouse. Given that it was a government operation, it could have just as easily been lost through bad paperwork and other ineptitude even the Nazis couldn’t break through. In the real America of today, there’s an example of government ineptitude not seen since the customer panning of New Coke. Somewhere across this country sit over 220 million rapid Covid tests gracefully gathering dust, no doubt safe in unimaginably large warehouses.

Covid testing has been a hot topic this week, and for all the wrong reasons. Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, and Second Gentleman Doug Emhoff all tested positive despite their double-vaxxed, boosted status. White House spokeswoman Jen Psaki tested positive just before this week’s Presidential European visit. This marks the second time she’s tested positive before a foreign trip, which may reflect a) defective testing, b) yet more confirming evidence that the Covid vaccine has very little ability to stop the spread of Covid, or c) she has found the perfect out from following around an incoherent old man and trying to make sense of what he says for the benefit of the rest of the world. I don’t know the woman personally, but I would bank on d) all of the above.

But of course you are still trying to figure out why there are 220 million rapid Covid tests sitting around. In the New Coke of pandemic ideas, the administration this year happily purchased some 500 million Covid rapid tests to distribute for free to every American by having them order them online and delivered to their doorstep by the Post Office. Much like New Coke, there was a flurry of initial activity followed by dismissal of the entire idea. In other words, America gave a failing grade to the great test plan. And it’s the focus on testing that says everything about desperation of this administration.

In general, Democrats hate testing. It doesn’t follow their narrative of everyone getting a participation trophy. It divides people up into categories that show different levels of ability and aptitude, the top layers of which generally don’t need the government handouts that Democrats espouse. But a “free” medical test shows both caring and action, even if it doesn’t accomplish anything. And even better, now new CDC guidelines make the testing and its results irrelevant to designations of chronic concern. A few weeks ago the CDC changed the criteria from focusing on positive test results to hospital capacity. Overnight, 90% of America went from living in an area suffering from a pandemic to 90% of America living in an area where nary a mask was needed. To say the least, it’s a test that nearly everyone can pass.

Fortunately for the Administration, there’s hope. Buried behind news of inflation, record-high gas prices, and that pesky war in Ukraine, the desperate strain of BA.2 bubbles up. No, BA.2 isn’t British Airways flight 002, non-stop service from New York JFK to London Heathrow, but the latest Covid strain. Actually it’s a variant of the Omicron variant— the journeyman minor league infielder of viruses. And given the utter failure of the administration to address inflation, record-high gas prices, and that pesky war in Ukraine, it gives Joe and his crew something they can’t screw up—always suggesting more Covid testing. Like baseball’s spring training, it’s ever hopeful but has nothing to do with the reality of the regular season. Besides, we need the warehouse space back; the modern-day Indiana Jones of technology, Jeff Bezos, needs to get our Prime deliveries to us with something more useful than Covid tests.

© 2022 Alexander W. Stephens, All Rights Reserved.