Irregular

 

A January ritual was for my mom to drag my brother and I down to Bloomingdale’s to hit the annual white sales (now a woke police non-compliant name). The only obstacle between us and a great deal was my dad’s one, immovable rule—the sheets on the bed at home could be any color, as long as it was white. This ran into the other immovable truth—white sheets never went on sale. Mom would politely ask the sales clerk about what white sheets might be on sale, and the clerk would politely shake their head that none were on sale, but “are you familiar with irregulars?”

Irregular sheets weren’t from some oddball company but ever so slightly not perfect—some finished stitching might not be exact or a hem was not quite at the right angle. Whatever the case, the manufacturer chose to sell them at a substantial discount rather than trash it and eat the entire cost. And so like your friendly bartender who remembers that they have a secret stash of your favorite whiskey, the sales clerk would reach to the back of the top shelf and produce these “irregulars.” Nobody was the wiser, the store made money, and my dad slept just fine. With tomorrow’s inauguration, I have that same feeling—I want to think that everything is right, but I need an expert to show me that what went wrong isn’t ruining the whole thing.

I’m no stolen election ranter, but there’s plenty out there that needs a better explanation, not just for the facts but to help put the nation at ease. This is a distinctly different time from 2000 where we were entertained by the site of a couple of civil servants with magnifying glasses trying to determine the veracity of a hanging chad. It was focused, out in the open, and at least somebody could come to a consensus. And while the Democrats could never seem to shake off the fact that George W. Bush won (weren’t all those polls saying Gore would dominate?), Congress got legislation passed to fund modernization of voting infrastructure. Of course Congress never seemed to get around to updating the Post Office so that they could get the ballots on time to that updated voting infrastructure, but change in Washington is not a rapid thing.

Unlike Joe Biden writing his own speeches, I’m happy to give appropriate credit to Scott Johnston of The Naked Dollar column for laying out the idea of a national election investigative commission. We’ve used this kind of vehicle before, and I think the 9/11 Commission serves as great standard. We all knew that, before the terrorist attacks, the CIA and FBI were legally prohibited from sharing intelligence. It was only after open hearings and a comprehensive report that we all found out the utter dysfunction between the intelligence agencies. More troubling was the utter lack of creative thinking going on throughout the government, that somehow 20 men with penknives and a few hours of flight school training killed more people than at Pearl Harbor. The upshot was a complete rethinking of internal and external security as well as refocusing how we view threats across the world.

Of course there are plenty of 9/11 conspiracists out there who will never be satisfied. So be it—they probably find puppy pictures and warm spring days a sign of mind control. But there is too much video out there of poll watchers being denied rightful access, ballots procured from under desks, at least one confirmed case of results flipped, and other questionable activities to be ignored. Add to that a mix of administrative fiats married with judicial ascension to change otherwise infallible state voter laws and you have the recipe for years of voter dissatisfaction. After the election the courts dismissed most of Trump’s lawsuits for lack of standing, which I leave to the lawyers to sort out. But it gives Congress a chance to put evidence under the brightest TV lights their hearing rooms can shine, to dig deep, and to call witnesses and make them squirm to justify their actions.

Most of the action would focus on states that Democrats run or in areas of their local control. The mistake for the Democrats would be to call this a partisan witch hunt as their excuse not to have hearings. In the end much of what we will find out will probably be that inept government employees chose the exactly wrong time to be inept—during a close election (wait, wasn’t Biden supposed to win by 11 points?) under the watch of grainy security cameras. Unless there was some 1960 Kennedy-in-Illinois action going on, the Democrats would have the upper hand every time the Republicans cry foul in the future. It’s my firm belief that the naked truth will clear the air and restore some, if not most, of the faith in our voting system. But takeover power has a way of clouding long-term judgement, and thin majorities find a way to slip into the minority in the oddest of ways, leaving only vengeance and more mistrust.

So tonight I’ll go to sleep more annoyed that we are in perpetual and inexplicable lock down than with Biden’s inauguration tomorrow. And while my wife and I have a comfortable bed with high-quality sheets, something tells me my rest will be a little bit…irregular.

© 2021 Alexander W. Stephens, All Rights Reserved.