Taxing State Of Mind

It’s April 1^st, which means tax filing day is near. I, for one, intend to celebrate until the 15^th and no, my accountant did not find a huge refund. We need to party now, because next year the crush of new taxes Albany has enacted will be an Excedrin-proof fiscal hangover.

First up is a new way to pick our pockets every time we shop. Next year the state is banning the use of plastic shopping bags, save a few, carefully constructed exceptions from the well-lobbied interests. Ostensibly this is all to save the environment, what with Flipper choking on Ziplocs and all. If you want to actually carry your groceries out of the store, counties have the “option” of a five-cent-a-paper-bag tax. Since taxing is the same as breathing in New York, we all know there isn’t a local body that can resist “free” money.

All of this activism is meant for us to walk around in lockstep with our reusable shopping bags dangling off our shoulders, virtue signaling our green bona fides. Perhaps those bags should also include a copy of Chairman Mao’s Little Red Book of Quotations so we can all get into the collective spirit. Of course, there are plenty of unintended consequences of this new movement. New Yorkers already recycle plastic bags in the form or trash can liners and garbage bags. The irony is that in order to throw out your trash we will have to buy plastic garbage bags, thus literally paying a tax on top of another tax.

Next is the vaunted “Congestion Pricing” tax, picking motorists’ pockets every time they want to drive south of 60^th Street in Manhattan. Every store that stocks daily necessities (including garbage bags), every restaurant, and every landlord will pass on the costs for deliveries south of this urban Mason-Dixon line. On top of that, I fear love may feel squeeze as well. Many remember the Seinfeld episode where Elaine, faced with a shortage of her favorite contraceptives, had to determine if intimacy would be “sponge worthy.” Similarly, dating may now be “Congestion Pricing” worthy—is pursuing that gal or guy “on the other side” worth paying a tax over and over again? Think Capulets and Montagues needing an EZ Pass.

And who is supposed to benefit? None other than the Metropolitan Transportation Authority, “operator” of the city’s subways and buses, as well as the commuter railroads. To those who use the MTA, operating is more of a euphemism—not working on time and in filth is more accurate. The projected $15 Billion that drivers, star-crossed lovers and otherwise regular folk alike, will cough up is supposed to help the MTA fix up its decrepit infrastructure. Does anyone believe this? Not a chance.

The MTA and I share the same birth year, and over 53 years I haven’t shoveled dirt and put down miles of new railroad track, but the MTA isn’t much further ahead on this account either. Four years ago they opened a mile-long connection between Times Square and the now-opened Dubai-on-the-River Hudson Yards development. Of course, anyone who can own or rent an apartment in Hudson Yards doesn’t take the subway, they take an Uber. An Uber which, as of the first of this year, has a $2.75 tax added for every ride. A block from my apartment the Second Avenue subway finally opened—a mile-and-a-half long and on the drawing boards since the end of WWII. Now the MTA gave this a try in ’70’s, but like many things from that decade, it failed miserably. They also set a record cost at $2.5 Billion per mile, four times as much as a similar project in socialist paradise Paris. Not to be outdone, at some very undetermined point in the future, work will finish on a tunnel connecting the Long Island Rail Road between Penn and Grand Central Stations, with an estimated cost of $3.5 Billion per mile. With the subway, bus, and rail fares going up in a three weeks, only an April Fool would think that any amount of money will change things.

Maybe we all need to take a deep breath and relax, and Albany has been talking about helping us with this by legalizing marijuana. While (excise and sales tax) whiskey is my solution, many see this either as natural progress or overdue social justice. But you can be sure on one thing—everyone sees plenty of tax dollars in every joint.

© 2019 Alexander W. Stephens, All Rights Reserved.