Today’s Answer Is In The Form Of A…

Like a panning shot from Lawrence of Arabia, sands now consume my neighborhood. No, grocery stores have not closed, so I’m not in a “food desert,” and public transit (kind of) works, avoiding a “transportation desert.” But the past few weeks have marked a different type of climate change—I live in a Question of the Day desert.

For those unfamiliar with the Question OTD, it is an “icebreaking” ritual that introduces a group strangers to each other before some main event. You may have gone through this “community bonding” during a corporate retreat or other team building exercise; for me it comes at the beginning of my CrossFit class. Assembled before the coach we say our name, how long we have been working out, and our response to the Question OTD.

Over time, the casual listener starts to learn a few things. Lacking the tether of a downtown desk I attend later morning or midday classes, which invites a broad range of folks with equally odd schedules. More importantly my head tends to be tethered to my pillow at 5:30 in the morning while the young masters of the universe are throwing around their barbells. Through many an answer to the Question OTD, I’ve found out this motley group has two emergency room doctors, a ward of nurses, and a couple of chiropractors-basically an in-house hospital for my inevitable injuries. Beyond professional recognition, with every passing class there’s an increased familiarity amongst us, with news about weddings, births, and personal best lifts softly filtering through.

A new coach recently started with the most vanilla of questions, “What is your favorite flavor of ice cream.” Clearly he wasn’t from New York, as the more relevant question might be, “Where’s the best bagel; what bar has the cheapest happy hour; or, ever practiced box jumps over a subway turnstile?” Another coach loves to ask about the ultimate desert disc dilemma—‘N Sync or Backstreet Boys. At the end of every December she asks for our New Year’s resolution. Mine is the perpetual quest to drop ten pounds, hers is the perpetual quest to “be in a relationship next year.” I resist the temptation to suggest more Frank Sinatra and less boy band.

While adhering to the general rules about polite dinner conversation (no sex, politics, or religion), occasionally things go the wrong way. A slightly frenetic coach loves obscure TV and cultural references, which is fine unless you grew up, like some participants, in Croatia. This creates a bonding opportunity when the rest of us nod appreciatively and search our Slavic dictionaries to translate “We didn’t watch Punky Bewster either, but apparently that’s all coach did growing up.”

So what went wrong? Recently I noticed our classes started with a simple hello and straight into warmups. When asked, the coach explained that the Question OTD was eliminated, “to increase the fluidity of the exercise experience.” I’m not sure what that means, but it sounds more like instructions to hurry up at the airport urinal because the boarding gate door is about to close. More importantly, I’m losing crucial information. Come Super Bowl time, the Question OTD invariably revolves about who will win the game, thus letting me know which Patriots fan to “accidentally” clock with a kettlebell. If I twist an ankle and ask for assistance, could I mistake the woman next me for a medical professional when she is, in fact, an angry feminist civil rights lawyer? Her fluid right hook might be the only indicator I was wrong.

And so the oasis of this little gift is gone: pop culture references are wilted; hope of knowing the best breakfast bite a mere mirage. But since you asked, my name is Alexander, I’ve been working out at CrossFit since 2013, and coffee Häagen Dazs. By the pint. 

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